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Joke ____1 A few days before his proctological examination, a one-eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it. Once he was in the surgery, the man followed the doctor’s instructions, undressed and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's butt was that glass eye staring right back at him. You know," said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me." Joke ____2 Joe and Jim were out cutting wood, and Jim cut his arm off. Joe wrapped the arm in a plastic bag and took Jim to a surgeon. The surgeon said "You're in luck! I'm an expert at reattaching limbs! Come back in 5 hours." So Joe left and when he returned in 5 hours the surgeon said "I got done quicker than I expected. Jim is down at the pub." Joe went to the pub and there was Jim, throwing darts. A few weeks later, Joe and Jim were cutting wood again, and Jim cut his

The Fire Brigade ring Mick McCarthy in the middle of the night “Mr McCarthy sir, the Stadium of Light is on fire”, “The cups man, save the cups” cries Mick. “Uh” replies the foreman “the fire hasn’t reached the canteen yet. Mick McCarthy went to the Sunderland Christmas party dressed as a pumpkin, come midnight he still hadn’t turned into a coach. What’s the difference between a Sunderland fan and a computer. You only have to punch information into a computer once. An old man hands over £50 to the turn style operator at the Stadium of light “two please”. “Would that be strikers or defenders”. I’m glad to report that a new red and white oxo cube will be introduced next year, it will be called laughing stock. Two men are walking through a cemetery when they happen upon a tombstone that read – “Hear lies John Sweeney a good man and a Sunderland fan.” So, one of them asked the other “when did they start putting two men in one grave.” Two men are out fishing in a remote area when one man

OBJECTIVE: To give the students an opportunity to develop the skill of paraphrasing. MATERIALS: The list of sports jokes PROCEDURE: Ask each student or group of students to take the following list of sports jokes and paraphrase them by writing them down in words other than already used. A. Hundreds of fathers spend thousands of dollars on their sons’ higher education and only get a quarterback. B. Only in baseball is there a real appreciation of a sacrifice. C. Being a good sport is very noble, but you always have to lose to prove it. D. The trouble with some golfers is that they stand too close to the ball—after they hit it. E. Bending exercises are nothing but an example of stooping to conquer. F. The best conditions for skiing call for a lot of white snow and a lot of Blue Cross. G. Ducks are Mother Nature’s proof that swimming does not always improve the figure. H. Basketball, more than any other sport, attracts the highest type of player. I. You are over the hill when the most exe

Why do niggers wear wide brimmed hats? So birds won't shit on their lips. How do you stop black kids from jumping on your bed? Put Velcro on the ceiling. Why do niggers smell so bad? So blind people can hate them too. Why does Stevie Wonder smile all the time? He doesn't know he's black. Why can't Stevie Wonder read? He's black. How do you get a nigger down from a tree? Cut the rope. How do you stop a nigger from hanging around in your front yard? Hang him in the back. What do you do when you see a nigger with one leg? Stop laughing and re-load. How many niggers does it take to pave a road? Depends on how you slice them. What are green, pink, purple and orange? A nigger dressed for church. What's the difference between a deer in the road and a nigger in the road? The deer has skid marks in front of it. What is wrong with 4 niggers going over a cliff in a Cadillac? It seats 5. What do you say when you see your T.V. floating around at night? Drop it nigger. Why ar

Q: Why is it bad to tell mole jokes? A: It's mole-itically incorrect Q: What is a mole's favorite movie? A: The Green Mole Q: What did Avogadro teach his students in math class? A: Moletiplication Q: What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer? A: Watermolens Q: Why was there only one Avogadro? A: When they made him, they broke the Moled Q: What kept Avogadro in bed for two months? A: Moleonucleosis Q: What do you get when you have a bunch of moles acting like idiots? A: A bunch of Moleasses Q: What line from Shakespeare do high school moles have to memorize? A: "To mole or not to mole, this is the question." Q: What did Avogadro invent for his wife to use as a night cream? A: Oil of Molay Q: How much does Avogadro exaggerate? A: He makes mountains out of mole hills Q: What element do moles love to study in chemistry? A: Molybdenum Q: What is Avogadro's favorite kind of music? A: Rock 'N' Mole Q: What did Avogadro get when he mixed ice cream, chocola

Sale It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising in the local paper) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colourful curse. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown at the end of the line again. As he got up, he said to the person at the end of the line, "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!" ------------------------------------------------------- What causes arthritis? A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, &

Fair Play The man in the barber chair signalled with his finger. 'Have you got another razor?' he whispered. 'Of course, sir,' said the barber. 'But may I ask you why?' 'I'd like to defend myself,' said the customer. Student Pilot Cessna: 'Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel.' Tower: 'Roger Cessna 12345, reduce airspeed to best glide!! Do you have the airfield in sight?!?!!' Cessna: 'Uh� tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where the fuel truck is.' Is There a War? Two women neighbours are talking. 'Mary, what's wrong with you? Are you ill? I saw the doctor coming out of your house twice last week.' 'So what? I saw an officer coming out of your house five times last week but I'm not saying that a war has broken out.' A Nice Catch The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub. A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and hanging a string