Girl sends a text to 4 guys from school that she likes. The text said, "What would we be doing if I were with you right now?" Guy #1 says...
Age 3 -- Boy kisses girl. Parents: "Awwww. That's so cute" *Takes picture*
Age 16 -- Boy kisses girl. Dad: "Get the hell away from my daughter!!!!!" *Loads shotgun*
One spelling mistake can destroy your life.
A Husband sent this to his wife:I'm having a wonderful time wish you were her."
Wife: If i become fat and ugly will you leave me?
Husband starts laughing.
Wife: WHAT?!
Husband: Im still here arent i?
Age 6:
lil sis: *crying
big bro: " aww whats wrong?"
little sister: " I got a owwy"
Age: 15
lilsis: *crying
big bro:alright who was it?!
lil sis: cries. (name)
big bro* loads shotgun " Be right back.."
Girl, Age 6: "Mom, you look pretty today. :)"
Mom: "Thank You! :)"
Girl, Age 16: "Mom, you look pretty today. :)"
Mom: "What do you want?"
Every girl has three guys in her life.
The one she loves.
The one she hates.
and the one she can't live without.
And in the end,
They're all the same guy.
SixFacts
1.You cannt stick your tounge out and look up at the ceiling at the same time a physical impossibility.
2.All idiots after reading #1 will try it.
3.And discover #1 is a lie.
4.You are smiling now because are an idiot.
*BOY LOGS ON*
~girl thinks~ YAY HE'S ONNNNNNNN
Girl:HEYYYYYYY
Boy:Hi
~quietness~
Boy:Do you like me?
Girl:Maybe..
Boy:TELL ME
Girl:ITS NOT IMPORTANT!
Boy:IT IS
Girl:WHY?!?!?!
Boy:CAUSE I LIKE YOU
BOYFRIEND GUIDE(:
1.When she walks away from yu mad[Follow her]
2.When she stare's at yur lips[Kiss her ]
3.When she pushes yu or hits yu[Grab her & dnt let go]
[There is more]
Boy:Why havent you had a boyfriend yet?
Girl:Im not allowed, why dont you have a girlfriend?
Boy:Cos your not allowed to have a boyfriend yet :)
age 4-9 "yay trick or treating! :D" age 10-12, "im to old an cool for trick or treating, its for kids ^_^' Age 13+ "HELL YEA FREE CANDY"
Elementary School; ew you kissed him! cooties!
Middle School; c'mon, kiss! kiss! kiss!
High School; seriously guys stop making out and get a room!
1st-5th grade- I can't wait until we get older!
6th-7th- We're so cool!
8th- GET ME OUT OF THIS SCHOOL.
9th-10th: I hate my life...
11th- Am I a senior yet...?
12th: Can I go back to Kindergarden?
For girls:
Mom can I.... NO.... Dad can I.... Sure anything for my little princess.
For boys:
Mom can I.... Sure sweety just be careful.... Dad can I.... NO NO NO NO NO....
1970: what's a computer?
1990: computer's in school!!??
2000: guess what? i have a computer!!!!
2010: MOM MY LAP TOP IS TOO SLOW!!!!!
Dear Tummy, sorry for all the butterflies. Dear Pillow, sorry for all the tears. Dear Heart, sorry for all the damage. Dear Brain, you were right
Girl: what would you do if i broke up with you?
boy: then i'd go back to my ex.
(girl cried and broke up with him)
--next day--
girl: what are you doing here??
boy: like what i said, i'd go back to my ex. so, will you take me back ?
I might hug other guys, i might laugh with other guys, i might even hang out with other guys.. but none of them will ever mean to me as much as you do.
A boy walks into kitchen to find parents having sex, the dad looks at the boy and winks. that night the father finds the boy in his bedroom having sex with his nana, the boy rolls over, winks and says "not so funny when it's your mum is it"
elementry school: mommy i have a new friend. middle school: hey mom can ____ come over? mom: yeah whos that? you: my new friend. high school: *you and your friend walk in* mom: whos that? my friend...
*bf and gf texting*
boy:are you okay?
girl:yeah..why?
boy:because you seem sad..are you lieing to me?
girl:no im fine i pinky promise.
boy:ok good
*girl thinking to herself*
i loved how you could tell i wasnt okay..i hate how you believed my lie.
when we were 8 we said "I'm rubber u are glue whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you!" Now we say "Well your a ...."
fake friends:never ask for food
real friends:are the reason you have no food.
fake friends:would knock on your front door.
real friends:would knock after they let themselves in.
fake friends:last a couple years.
real friends:last forever.
Okay, so there are 10 fish. 2 die, 5 drown, 1 gets trapped in the filter, how many left? stop counting you idiot. fish cant drown.
Age,4: *little girl starts crying*
brother: Awww, wats wrong?
Sister: i got an owwy.
Age 16: *girl starts crying*
Brother: WHO THE FUCK WAS IT THIS TIME!!
Sister: *cries some more* ... (name)
Brother: IMMA FUCKING KILL THAT S.O.B
As soon as you get online, whose name do you look for first? When a slow song comes on, whose face pops up in your head? When you get a text, who do you hope it's from? Whose name makes your stomache drop when you hear it?
Showing posts with label Jokes funny things and pictures. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes funny things and pictures. Show all posts
Saturday, November 27, 2010
40 marks ki kimat tum kya jano topper babu...!!! Funny Engineering jokes
Dad:Son y r u late?
Jack:Xtra Classes
Robot slapped Jack.
...Jack:Movie
Dad:Which Movie?
Jack:Bal Ganesha
Jack gets a tight slap again.
Jack:Katil Jawani
Dad:I never used 2 watch movies like this when I was ur age
Splatt, Robot slapped Dad.
Mom:After all he is ur son, he will b like u
Finally Jack's mothers gets a tight slap.
How 2 spend 3 hrs in exam hall?(2pm to 5pm)
2:00-2:10 Write d reg. no. & sub.
2:10-2:40 Read carefuly d instructions givn.
2:40-3:40 Read d que. paper twice.
...3:40-4:15 C if u undrstand any que.
4:15-4:20 Ask 4 water.
4:20-4:50 Check wether u’ve filled all d details carefuly.
Last 10 mins. relax!!!
There are 3 kinds of students...
Some make wonders happen...!
Some see wonders happen...!
Others wonder waht happened..!!!
Luv story of ENGINEER:
I ws in12
She ws in12
...
I ws doin BE
She gt BCA
I ws doinBE
She got MCA
I ws doinBE
She is doing PHD
I compltd BE
She got a DOCTRATE
She gt married
I ws preparing 4 MTECH entrnce
Shes mother of 2
I m doing my MTECh
Her daughter is in 1st
I cmpltd MTECH
Hr daughtr pasd 10th
I hav joined job
D grtst irony
Today is my ENGAGEMNT
& Hr daughtr is my WIFE
MORAL:Agle janam me Commerce lunga.
Importance of Percentage:
Boy: Tere 12th me kitne percentage the?
Girl: 97%
Boy: Baap re..itne me to kisi gareeb ke 2 bache pass ho jate...!!! :
On a ship an Engineering, MBA & MBBS students wer sailing.Suddenly a devil appeared & said "Drop smthing in2 d sea. If I find it, I'll eat u & if nt I'll be ur slave"
MBA student dropped a memory card. The devil found it & ate him. MBBS student dropped small needle, devil found it & ate him. Engineering student opened ...a water bottle & poured some water & asked devil 2 find it... Saala engineer se panga le raha tha.
2 engineering students were walking across campus when 1 said, "Where did u get such a great bike?"
The 2nd engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes & said, "Take what you want."...
The 2nd engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
Kingfisher assistant: Sir, pichle 15 dino me 1 bhi bottle nahi biki.
Vijay Mallya: University me phon lagao, pucho engineering & medical ke results kab aa rahe hain.
Once a boy died & went to hell.
The devil started to punish him but failed to make him suffer.
Devil tried all the punishments but failed every time.
The devil started crying & asked how could he tolerate all these.
...He smiled & replied, "I was once an Engineering Student !"
"Each night I go to sleep, I die. Next day I wake up, I'm reborn." - M. K. Gandhi.
.
.
.
..."Each night I go to sleep, I'm reborn. Next day I wake up, I'm dead again." - Engineering Student.
Most painful situation other than 'loosing someone you love' is: when you are waiting for your friend after exam and thinking, "Saala kamina abhi tak nahi aya, lagta hai pass ho jayega saala!".
Doctors after operation & Engineering
students after the exam, both tell the same thing: "We tried our best
but cant say anything right now." ;)
I have found out what F.I.N.A.L.S. stands for = Fuck I Never Actually
Learned this Shit!
1 hand on pen, the other on phone, 1 ear on lecture, the other on
classmates, 1 eye on board, the other on crush. WHO SAID STUDENT'S LIFE IS EASY???
Once a 'constant' & 'e^x' were going together. Suddenly constant ran away saying, "Differentiation is comin...he'll destroy me."
e^x boldly stood up & told differentiation, "Even if you differentiate me, I'll still be e^x."
Differentiation laughed & said, "Dude, I'm d/dy...not d/dx"
The very acutely professional reason for making
Engineering passing range at least 40/100 is that your boss would be sure that he/she will do at least 40% of work correctly.
Special offer... Bring a chit on exam day, scratch and show
it to your nearest teacher and win free trip to Principal's office and
enjoy 3 years vacation at home.Hurry
offer valid until exams
only... :D
यमलोक यातायात सेवा
गान्टे र भुन्टे
गान्टेः तपाईँको बाबुको नाम के हो ?
भुन्टेः बाबुको नाम 'के' होईन, भवानी प्रसाद हो !!
गान्टेः के कामले पाल्नु भो होला ?
भुन्टेः भैंसी दुध खान, कुकुर घर रुङ्न पालेको !!
गान्टेः तपाईँको घडीमा कति बज्यो होला ?
भुन्टेः मेरो घडीमा बज्दैन, यसले त टायममात्र दिन्छ, बज्ने घडी त घन्टाघरमा मात्रै छ!!
गान्टेः आज यसो घुमौं न है ?
भुन्टेः नाईँ, मलाई त घुम्दा रिँगटा लाग्छ !!
गान्टेः मलाई त्यसले गाली दियो यार ।
भुन्टेः के मा राखेर ल्यायौ त ?
गान्टेः आज मलाई जरो आएको छ ।
भुन्टैः उखेलेर फ्याँकिदेउ न !!
गान्टेः जागीर खाएर आउँछु है ।
भुन्टेः थालमा कि गिलासमा खान्छौ ?
गान्टेः मैले झ्यालबाट केटाहरु स्कुल गइरहेको देखें ।
भुन्टेः झ्यालबाट !! कसैको खुट्टा भाँचिएन ?
गान्टेः म त थाकेँ यार ।
भुन्टेः कहिले ब्याएका थियौ र !!
यमलोक यातायात सेवा
सबै जना स्वर्गलोक जान चाहान्छन् तर मर्न कोही पनि चाहाँदैनन् । नमरी स्वर्ग पुगिन्न, स्वर्ग नगई मरिन्न , कस्तो अप्ठेरो होला त ! तर यमलोक जानको लागी चाहीँ सजिलो छ है । के तपाईँ यमलोकको यात्रा गर्न चाहानु हुन्छ ? यदी चाहानुन्छ भने, अभरपर्दो, अविश्वासिलो, र अछरितो यमलोक यातायात सेवालाई सम्झनोस् !
हाम्रो सेवाहरु:
(क) एउटै सिटमाथी दश जना सम्म खप्टिएर बस्न मिल्ने
(ख) बसभित्रै एयर कन्डिसनको ब्यबस्था गरिए अनुरुप गर्मीको बेला बोसो
पग्लिनेगरीको गर्मी तथा जाडोको हुने ब्यबस्था
(ग) केवल १५ वटा सिटको छरितो बसमा ५० जनासम्ममा मानिस कोचाकोच गरिन सक्ने
(घ) बर्खामा बसभित्रै छाता ओढ्न सकिने तथा गाडी भित्रै स्विमिंगपुलको ब्यबस्था
(ङ) गाडीलाई ननस्टप रुपमा दौडाउनका लागी ब्रेक र स्टेयरिंग नभएको
छिटो गर्नोस्, यमलोकबाट इन्भाइटेसन लेटर पठाइ सकिएको हुनाले चढेको दुईघन्टामा नै यमलोकको बसपार्कमा पुर्याइने छ ।
पुनस्च: जहाँ तहीँबाट दलालहरुसँग टिकट नलिनु होला, यमलोक लैजाने भनेर स्र्वगलोक पुर्याईदेलान् !
सम्पर्कः अघिल्लो दिन पिच गरेको भोलीपल्ट पत्तासाफ हुने नेपालका प्रत्येक राजमार्गहरु !
दैवको लिला ।
सरकारले महिला पुरुषको भेदभाव अन्त्य गरेपछि एक पुरुष नेता भाषण गर्दैथिएः आमा दिदी बहिनीहरु, महिलामाथीको संपूर्ण भेदभाव अन्त्य भएपछि यति भएको छु नि गर्वले मेरो छाती ढक्क फुलेको छ ।
आमैः ए...गर्वले हाम्रो पेट ठुलो हुन्थ्यो, लोग्नेमान्छेको चाहीँ छाती ठुलो हुदो रहेछ, दैवको लिला ।
मोटे ख्याउटे
एउटा मोटोमानिस बसको सिटमा गजधम्म परेर बसिरहेको थियो । त्यतिकैमा एउटा ख्याउटे मानिस बसमा चढ्यो । मोटे सिटमा बसेको देखेर उसले ब्यंग्य गर्दै भन्यो:
ख्याउटेः यो बसमा त हात्तीहरुले मात्रै बस्न पाउने हो कि क्या हो ?
मोटे: हैन, आउनोस् न, गधाहरुलाई पनि सिट खाली छ ।
नर्कमा गुरु
एउटा क्लासमा ह्वेलको बारेमा कुरा हुँदैथियो ।
शिक्षकः ह्वेल शारिरिक रुपमा ठुलो भएपनि मानिसलाई निल्न सक्दैन, किन भने उसको
घाँटी सानो हुन्छ ।
बिद्यार्थीः तर, दिपक त जापान जाँदा ह्वेलले निलेको रे, शिक्षकः होइन, त्यो असम्भव छ ।
बिद्यार्थीः त्यसोभए म स्वर्ग गएपछि दीपकलाई सोध्छु । शिक्षकः अनि नर्क गएको रहेछ
भने नि ?
बिद्यार्थीः सरले सोध्नु नि ।
कलिउडको मन्त्रिपरिषद
निखिल उप्रेती.....................पर्खाल तथा लात्तीमन्त्री
मनिषा कोइराला................दिउसो तथा रात्रीमन्त्री
झरना बज्राचार्य.......... ...बिपासा बासु पनि फ्लप मन्त्री
राजेश हमाल......................ब्रम्हाचारी तथा सन्यासमन्त्री
अशोक शर्मा.......................मण्डले तथा छेपारे मन्त्री
बसुन्धरा भुसाल......... .......रोदन तथा चेपारे मन्त्री
महिला तथा श्रीमती मन्त्री.......भुवन के.सी.
युवा तथा युवती मन्त्री............दिनेश डि.सी.
ज्ञान तथा गोबरमन्त्री.........जल शाह
फेशन तथा ओभर मन्त्री.....रेखा आहा
तिन खित्का
भुतको तमासा
रातको बाह्रबजे एउटा मानिस चिहानमाथी बसिरहेको थियो।त्यति नै बेला गोपाल पनि त्यहीबाटो भएर घर र्फकदै थियो।मध्यरातमा चिहानमाथी बसिरहेकालाई सोध्योःयस्तो मध्यरातमा चिहानमाथी बसिरहन डर लाग्दैन ?
जवाफमा भन्योः के को डर नि।चिहानभित्र एकदमै गर्मी भएकोले एकैछिनकालागी बाहिर आएको ।
बदलाको भाव
रीताः ए, सरिता बाहिर ३ जना केटीहरुले तिम्रो श्रीमानलाई कुटिरहेकाछन् ।
सरिताः खै खै हेरौँ, (झ्यालमा बसेर छिमेकीले लोग्ने पिटेको हेर्न थाल्छे) हो त रहेछ ।
रीताः त्यसरी कुटिरहेकाछन्, सघाउन जान्नस्?
सरीताः पर्दैन, तिनजनाले सकिहाल्छन् नि मेरो बुढोलाई तह लगाउन ।
पनि हद
श्रीमानः हेर न राधिका, आज त मैले छाता लैजान नै बिर्सिएछु।
श्रीमतीः हो त नी, कतिबेला थाहा पाउनु भयो, छाता बिर्सिएको?
श्रीमान्: पानी पर्न रोकिएपछि जब छाता बन्द गर्न हात उठाएको तब छातै छैन ।
गान्टेः तपाईँको बाबुको नाम के हो ?
भुन्टेः बाबुको नाम 'के' होईन, भवानी प्रसाद हो !!
गान्टेः के कामले पाल्नु भो होला ?
भुन्टेः भैंसी दुध खान, कुकुर घर रुङ्न पालेको !!
गान्टेः तपाईँको घडीमा कति बज्यो होला ?
भुन्टेः मेरो घडीमा बज्दैन, यसले त टायममात्र दिन्छ, बज्ने घडी त घन्टाघरमा मात्रै छ!!
गान्टेः आज यसो घुमौं न है ?
भुन्टेः नाईँ, मलाई त घुम्दा रिँगटा लाग्छ !!
गान्टेः मलाई त्यसले गाली दियो यार ।
भुन्टेः के मा राखेर ल्यायौ त ?
गान्टेः आज मलाई जरो आएको छ ।
भुन्टैः उखेलेर फ्याँकिदेउ न !!
गान्टेः जागीर खाएर आउँछु है ।
भुन्टेः थालमा कि गिलासमा खान्छौ ?
गान्टेः मैले झ्यालबाट केटाहरु स्कुल गइरहेको देखें ।
भुन्टेः झ्यालबाट !! कसैको खुट्टा भाँचिएन ?
गान्टेः म त थाकेँ यार ।
भुन्टेः कहिले ब्याएका थियौ र !!
यमलोक यातायात सेवा
सबै जना स्वर्गलोक जान चाहान्छन् तर मर्न कोही पनि चाहाँदैनन् । नमरी स्वर्ग पुगिन्न, स्वर्ग नगई मरिन्न , कस्तो अप्ठेरो होला त ! तर यमलोक जानको लागी चाहीँ सजिलो छ है । के तपाईँ यमलोकको यात्रा गर्न चाहानु हुन्छ ? यदी चाहानुन्छ भने, अभरपर्दो, अविश्वासिलो, र अछरितो यमलोक यातायात सेवालाई सम्झनोस् !
हाम्रो सेवाहरु:
(क) एउटै सिटमाथी दश जना सम्म खप्टिएर बस्न मिल्ने
(ख) बसभित्रै एयर कन्डिसनको ब्यबस्था गरिए अनुरुप गर्मीको बेला बोसो
पग्लिनेगरीको गर्मी तथा जाडोको हुने ब्यबस्था
(ग) केवल १५ वटा सिटको छरितो बसमा ५० जनासम्ममा मानिस कोचाकोच गरिन सक्ने
(घ) बर्खामा बसभित्रै छाता ओढ्न सकिने तथा गाडी भित्रै स्विमिंगपुलको ब्यबस्था
(ङ) गाडीलाई ननस्टप रुपमा दौडाउनका लागी ब्रेक र स्टेयरिंग नभएको
छिटो गर्नोस्, यमलोकबाट इन्भाइटेसन लेटर पठाइ सकिएको हुनाले चढेको दुईघन्टामा नै यमलोकको बसपार्कमा पुर्याइने छ ।
पुनस्च: जहाँ तहीँबाट दलालहरुसँग टिकट नलिनु होला, यमलोक लैजाने भनेर स्र्वगलोक पुर्याईदेलान् !
सम्पर्कः अघिल्लो दिन पिच गरेको भोलीपल्ट पत्तासाफ हुने नेपालका प्रत्येक राजमार्गहरु !
दैवको लिला ।
सरकारले महिला पुरुषको भेदभाव अन्त्य गरेपछि एक पुरुष नेता भाषण गर्दैथिएः आमा दिदी बहिनीहरु, महिलामाथीको संपूर्ण भेदभाव अन्त्य भएपछि यति भएको छु नि गर्वले मेरो छाती ढक्क फुलेको छ ।
आमैः ए...गर्वले हाम्रो पेट ठुलो हुन्थ्यो, लोग्नेमान्छेको चाहीँ छाती ठुलो हुदो रहेछ, दैवको लिला ।
मोटे ख्याउटे
एउटा मोटोमानिस बसको सिटमा गजधम्म परेर बसिरहेको थियो । त्यतिकैमा एउटा ख्याउटे मानिस बसमा चढ्यो । मोटे सिटमा बसेको देखेर उसले ब्यंग्य गर्दै भन्यो:
ख्याउटेः यो बसमा त हात्तीहरुले मात्रै बस्न पाउने हो कि क्या हो ?
मोटे: हैन, आउनोस् न, गधाहरुलाई पनि सिट खाली छ ।
नर्कमा गुरु
एउटा क्लासमा ह्वेलको बारेमा कुरा हुँदैथियो ।
शिक्षकः ह्वेल शारिरिक रुपमा ठुलो भएपनि मानिसलाई निल्न सक्दैन, किन भने उसको
घाँटी सानो हुन्छ ।
बिद्यार्थीः तर, दिपक त जापान जाँदा ह्वेलले निलेको रे, शिक्षकः होइन, त्यो असम्भव छ ।
बिद्यार्थीः त्यसोभए म स्वर्ग गएपछि दीपकलाई सोध्छु । शिक्षकः अनि नर्क गएको रहेछ
भने नि ?
बिद्यार्थीः सरले सोध्नु नि ।
कलिउडको मन्त्रिपरिषद
निखिल उप्रेती.....................पर्खाल तथा लात्तीमन्त्री
मनिषा कोइराला................दिउसो तथा रात्रीमन्त्री
झरना बज्राचार्य.......... ...बिपासा बासु पनि फ्लप मन्त्री
राजेश हमाल......................ब्रम्हाचारी तथा सन्यासमन्त्री
अशोक शर्मा.......................मण्डले तथा छेपारे मन्त्री
बसुन्धरा भुसाल......... .......रोदन तथा चेपारे मन्त्री
महिला तथा श्रीमती मन्त्री.......भुवन के.सी.
युवा तथा युवती मन्त्री............दिनेश डि.सी.
ज्ञान तथा गोबरमन्त्री.........जल शाह
फेशन तथा ओभर मन्त्री.....रेखा आहा
तिन खित्का
भुतको तमासा
रातको बाह्रबजे एउटा मानिस चिहानमाथी बसिरहेको थियो।त्यति नै बेला गोपाल पनि त्यहीबाटो भएर घर र्फकदै थियो।मध्यरातमा चिहानमाथी बसिरहेकालाई सोध्योःयस्तो मध्यरातमा चिहानमाथी बसिरहन डर लाग्दैन ?
जवाफमा भन्योः के को डर नि।चिहानभित्र एकदमै गर्मी भएकोले एकैछिनकालागी बाहिर आएको ।
बदलाको भाव
रीताः ए, सरिता बाहिर ३ जना केटीहरुले तिम्रो श्रीमानलाई कुटिरहेकाछन् ।
सरिताः खै खै हेरौँ, (झ्यालमा बसेर छिमेकीले लोग्ने पिटेको हेर्न थाल्छे) हो त रहेछ ।
रीताः त्यसरी कुटिरहेकाछन्, सघाउन जान्नस्?
सरीताः पर्दैन, तिनजनाले सकिहाल्छन् नि मेरो बुढोलाई तह लगाउन ।
पनि हद
श्रीमानः हेर न राधिका, आज त मैले छाता लैजान नै बिर्सिएछु।
श्रीमतीः हो त नी, कतिबेला थाहा पाउनु भयो, छाता बिर्सिएको?
श्रीमान्: पानी पर्न रोकिएपछि जब छाता बन्द गर्न हात उठाएको तब छातै छैन ।
Nepali proverb english version
घाँटी हेरी हाड निल्नु
Look at the neck and swallow the bone
खाई न पाई छालाको टोपी लाई
Eating na getting, putting leather cap
एक कान दुई कान मैदान
One ear two ear, playground
अछ्यु खाए बछ्यु खाए , झुसे बारुलो
Hornet ate bachhyu ate, hairy wasp
काग कराउदै गर्छ पिना सुक्दै गर्छ
Crow crying, pina drying
चिन्नु न जान्नु घचेडी माग्नु
Don't know don't know push and beg
भाग्यमानी को भूतै कमारो
Lucky person has ghost servant
म पनि खान्दानी को छोरा हो
I am also a son of Tiffin Carrier
कहिं नभाको जात्रा हाँडीगाउँमा
Nowhere festival in pot village
नखाँउ भने दिनभरिको शिकार , खाउँभने कान्छा बाउकोअनुहार
If no eat whole day's hunting, if eat face of uncle
हात्ती आयो हात्ती आयो फुस्सा
Elephant coming elephant coming phussa becoming
केटा केटी आए , गुलेली खेलाए , गुच्चाको नास
Boy girl come, play slingshot, loss of marble
जब भयो राती , तब बुढी ताती
When it becomes night, Wife becomes hot.
कस्लाई के को चिन्ता , घर ज्वाइँलाई खानाको चिन्ता
Who what tension, who what tension, House son-in-law eating tension.
कस्को बाउको के तागत , म पनि खान्दानको छोरा हुँ
Whose father, what vitamin I'm the son of Tiffin Carrier
-संकलन : प्रज्ञा शर्मा
Nepali Jokes
प्रचण्ड काठमाण्डौमा पहिलो पटक प्रबेश गरे, आफैँ गाडी हाँक्दै ।
सुन्धाराबाट जमल दिन जानुपर्ने, भद्रकालीतिर पसिदिएछन् ।
शहीद गेटमा ट्राफिकले गाडी रोक्योः प्रचण्डलाई देख्नासाथ लल्याक लुलुक ।
हत्तपत्त वाकीटाकीबाट माथी जाहेर गर्छ: रोजर साब, यहाँ एउटा जान लागेको छ, साब ।
साब चाडै यहाँ आउनु पर्यो साब ।
साबः म किन आउनु पर्यो त, जाकि दे त त्यसलाई ।
ट्राफिकः तर, ठुलो मान्छेको गाडी हो साब ।
साबः लोकतन्त्रमा को ठुलो, को सानो ...कत्रो ठुलो हात्तीजत्रो ?
ट्राफिकः साब, ठट्टा नगर्नोस् न । म केही गर्न सक्दिन साब ।
साबः हैन, ठुलो मान्छे भनेको चाहीँ को त ?
ट्राफिकः खै साब, गाडी मालिकचाहीँ को हो थाहा भएन, प्रचण्डलाई नै चालक बनाएपछि
आफैँ गेस गर्नोस् न सर, कत्रो मान्छे होला !!
यमलोकरेष्टुरेन्ट एण्ड बार
यमलोक
रेष्टुरेन्ट एण्ड बार
यमनगर, यमलोक
फोन: ६ बाह्र छैन तेह्र
इमेल : amaraj@bhootmail.com
मिनु
उल्लुको छोएला: रु. ५० प्रतिप्लेट
भेज पकौडः रु. ७५ प्रतिप्लेट
(गोरुको तेलमा फ्राई गरिएको)
स्यालको फोक्सो: रु. ९० प्रतिप्लेट
चिराइतोको सुपः रु. ७० प्रतिडबका
गड्यौलाको अचारः रु. २० प्रतिचम्चा
भ्यागुता भुटेकोः रु. २५ प्रतिगाँस
गधाको पुच्छरसाँधेको: रु. १५ प्रतिपुच्छर
झिँगाको भुटन: रु. ४५ प्रतिप्लेट
बिशेष
अफर
बाख्राका बड्क्यौलाद्धारा निर्मित स्पेशल वाइनः रु. ८० प्रतिघ्याम्पा !!
दुई प्लेट गिद्धको रोष्टको साथमा एक बोतल यमरस सित्थैमा !!
आफु खानोस् र अरुलाई पनि खुवाउनोस्, परेको हामी ब्यहोर्छौ, पैसा तपाइ तिर्नोस् !!
एक पटक हाम्रो यमराज रेष्टुरेन्टको मिनु हेर्नोस्: कहिल्लै फर्किएर आउनु हुन्न !!
- प्रो.चित्रगुप्त यमकर्मी
हसिँयाभन्दा सिधा
पुर्ने (लठेब्रो) छोरो पाएको १५ दिनमा बिदेश गयो ।
पाँच बर्षपछि घर फर्किएर घरभित्र पस्नासाथ श्रीमती अर्धनग्न
अवस्थामा रोइरहेकी थिइन् ।
पुर्नेः के भो कोपिला ?
कोपिलाः मलाई हार्ट एट्याक भयो, ऐया......।
पुर्ने हत्तपत्त घरको तल्लो कोठामा झरेर एम्बुलेन्समा फोन गर्नमात्र के लागेको हुन्छ,
५ बर्षको उनको छोरो मन्जिल आएर भन्योः
मञ्जिलः बाबा बाबा, सपन अंकल पल्लो कोठमा लुकेर कपडा लगाउँदै हुनुहुन्छ ।
उ फोन भुइँमा राखेर दौडदै श्रीमती भए ठाउँपुग्यो, हेर्यो र अर्को कोठामा पुग्यो,
नभन्दै त्यहाँ उसैको मित्र सपनपनि अर्धनग्न अवस्थामा कोठामा यताउता घुम्दै थियो ।
पुर्नेः (राता राता आँखा पार्दै) साले, तँ कस्तो साथी होस् यार ! उता मेरो श्रीमतीलाई
हर्ट एट्याक भइरहेको छ । तँ भने, केटाकेटी जस्तो कोठामा नांगै खेलेर बसेको
छस्....... जा............एम्बुलेन्स बोलाएर लिएर आइज !
नर्कमा टेलिफोन सेवा !!
हालै विश्वका धेरै देशका राष्ट्रप्रमुखहरु नर्कमा भेट भएछन् । धेरैबेर पछिको छलफल पछि सबैले आ-आफ्नो देशमा फोन सम्पर्क गर्ने निधो गरेर सबै टेलिफोन बुथतिर गएछन् ।
अमेरिकाको राष्ट्रप्रमुखले आफ्नो देशमा फोन लगाएछन्, दुइ मिनेट फोन गरेपछि २००० डलर बिल तिरे त्यसपछि चिनका राष्ट्रपतिको पालो आयो । उनले पनि दुइमिनेटको २०० डलर बिलतिरेछन् । अन्त्यमा नेपालका लाष्टपतीको पालो आयो । उनले पनि दुई मिनेट फोन गरेर बिल मागे ।
नर्कको अपरेटरले: ५ रुपिया दिनोस् ।
नेपाली लाष्टपती: यो त अचम्म भो ! नेपालीचाहीँ कसरी त्यति सस्तो ?
नर्कको अपरेटर: लोकल कल भएर !
तिरिमिरी झ्याँई
प्रश्नः
: प्रकृतिले दिनका साथै रात किन बनाएको होला ?
उत्तरः: चोर डाकाहरुको पनि जिबिका चलोस् भनेर !
प्रश्नः
: हाम्रो देशमा किन एउटा पनि ठूलो मान्छे जन्मिन सकेन ?
उत्तरः: संसारमै यस्तो हो, जन्मिँदा सबै बच्चा नै जन्मिन्छन् !
प्रश्नः
: मिरोजजी, तपाईँको खास नाम चाहीँ के हो ?
उत्तर : मेरो खास नाम 'के हैन, मनोज हो !
प्रश्नः
: मैले तपाइँलाई चिनिहालेँ नि !
उत्तर : चिनि नहाल्नोस्, मलाई सुगरको समस्या छ, बरु नुन हालिदिनुस् !!
ल, उल्टो पर्यो नि
पहिलो पटक खप्परध्वज शहरको एउटा भब्य पार्टीमा पुग्यो । डिनर लिइरहेको बेला आफ्नो छेउमा उभिएर बियर तानिरहेको एक ब्यक्तिलाई उसले भन्योः
खप्परध्व्जः कस्तो जमाना आयो । उ त्यो केटोलाई हेर्नोस् न, कस्तो पोशाक लगाएको होला, ठ्याक्कै
केटीजस्तो देखिन्छ !
ब्यक्तिः (उक्त ब्यक्तिले अलि रिसाएजस्तो गरी जवाफ दियो) माफ गर्नोस् महासय, त्यो केटी नै हो,
र उ मेरी छोरी हो ।
(खप्पर अलि अलि डरायो र भन्यो)
खप्परध्व्जः (खप्पर अलि अलि डरायो र भन्यो) सरी है हजुर, । तपाईँ उसको बुवा हो भन्ने कुरा
मलाई थाहा थिएन ।
ब्यक्तिः (ब्यक्तिले जंगिदै भन्यो) तपाईँ मसँग जिस्किदै हुनुहुन्छ कि क्या हो ? म उसको बाबु हैन,
आमा हुँ !
लवलेटर हरु
प्रहरीको लवलेटर
मेरो हृदयकी नाइटभिजन, लङ्गरेन्जको भन्दा लामो तथा बंकरभन्दा गहिरो माया !
आत्माकी सेन्ट्री, सेक्यरिटीवाल भन्दा मजबुत प्यार । मेरो दिमागकी एम्बुस, ब्ल्यांकफायर
भन्दा धेरै क्लियर संझना । प्यारी, मेरो सानो मिसफायरमा तिमी मेरो घेरा तोडेर माइत गयौं,
मेरो मनमा र्कफ्यु लागेको छ । तुरुन्त आत्मसर्मपण गरिदेउ, हैन भने, हातहतियार सहित माइतमा आक्रमण हुनेछ !!
उहि तिमीलाई सधैँ सुरक्षा दिने
हवल्दार 'काले'
कम्प्युटर अपरेटरको प्रेमपत्र
जिन्दगीकी कन्ट्रोल प्यानल, हन्ड्रेड जिबीको माया ! मैले १एमबी मायााको लागी कतिपटक एप्लाई गरेँ, तर कहिल्यै पनि ओ.के. गरिनौ । तिम्रो पिक्चर मेरो हार्डडिस्कमा सेभ गरिसकेको छु । कृपया मेरो मायालाई रिसाइकलबीनमा सेन्ड नगरिदेउ । मेरो रिकोएस्ट मानिनौं भने, म आफैंलाई अटो डिलिट गर्नेछु , अगाडी तिम्रो इच्छा !!
तिम्रो जिन्दगीको पासवर्ड ' गोपाल'
ड्राइभरकोलवलेटर
मेरो मुटुकी स्टेयरिङ् , चौथो गियर भन्दा धेरै माया ! अहिले सम्म म कण्डिसनमा नै छु , आषा छ, तिमी पनि पञ्चर भएकी छैनौ होला । म घरबाट हिँड्दा तिम्रो चक्का मेरो मतलब खुट्टा ठिक थिएन, राम्रो वर्कसपमा गएर डाक्टरलाई देखाउनु । केटाकेटीलाई गाली गर्दा हर्न सानो पार्नु , छिमेकीले ओभरटेक गर्छन्, आउँदो नपालबन्दमा घर आउँदैछु ,त्यसैबेला बेट्रीचार्ज गरौंला !!
उहि तिमीलाई हर्न बजाउने ड्राइभर माइला,
बि.च.रा.४३२३
Look at the neck and swallow the bone
खाई न पाई छालाको टोपी लाई
Eating na getting, putting leather cap
एक कान दुई कान मैदान
One ear two ear, playground
अछ्यु खाए बछ्यु खाए , झुसे बारुलो
Hornet ate bachhyu ate, hairy wasp
काग कराउदै गर्छ पिना सुक्दै गर्छ
Crow crying, pina drying
चिन्नु न जान्नु घचेडी माग्नु
Don't know don't know push and beg
भाग्यमानी को भूतै कमारो
Lucky person has ghost servant
म पनि खान्दानी को छोरा हो
I am also a son of Tiffin Carrier
कहिं नभाको जात्रा हाँडीगाउँमा
Nowhere festival in pot village
नखाँउ भने दिनभरिको शिकार , खाउँभने कान्छा बाउकोअनुहार
If no eat whole day's hunting, if eat face of uncle
हात्ती आयो हात्ती आयो फुस्सा
Elephant coming elephant coming phussa becoming
केटा केटी आए , गुलेली खेलाए , गुच्चाको नास
Boy girl come, play slingshot, loss of marble
जब भयो राती , तब बुढी ताती
When it becomes night, Wife becomes hot.
कस्लाई के को चिन्ता , घर ज्वाइँलाई खानाको चिन्ता
Who what tension, who what tension, House son-in-law eating tension.
कस्को बाउको के तागत , म पनि खान्दानको छोरा हुँ
Whose father, what vitamin I'm the son of Tiffin Carrier
-संकलन : प्रज्ञा शर्मा
Nepali Jokes
प्रचण्ड काठमाण्डौमा पहिलो पटक प्रबेश गरे, आफैँ गाडी हाँक्दै ।
सुन्धाराबाट जमल दिन जानुपर्ने, भद्रकालीतिर पसिदिएछन् ।
शहीद गेटमा ट्राफिकले गाडी रोक्योः प्रचण्डलाई देख्नासाथ लल्याक लुलुक ।
हत्तपत्त वाकीटाकीबाट माथी जाहेर गर्छ: रोजर साब, यहाँ एउटा जान लागेको छ, साब ।
साब चाडै यहाँ आउनु पर्यो साब ।
साबः म किन आउनु पर्यो त, जाकि दे त त्यसलाई ।
ट्राफिकः तर, ठुलो मान्छेको गाडी हो साब ।
साबः लोकतन्त्रमा को ठुलो, को सानो ...कत्रो ठुलो हात्तीजत्रो ?
ट्राफिकः साब, ठट्टा नगर्नोस् न । म केही गर्न सक्दिन साब ।
साबः हैन, ठुलो मान्छे भनेको चाहीँ को त ?
ट्राफिकः खै साब, गाडी मालिकचाहीँ को हो थाहा भएन, प्रचण्डलाई नै चालक बनाएपछि
आफैँ गेस गर्नोस् न सर, कत्रो मान्छे होला !!
यमलोकरेष्टुरेन्ट एण्ड बार
यमलोक
रेष्टुरेन्ट एण्ड बार
यमनगर, यमलोक
फोन: ६ बाह्र छैन तेह्र
इमेल : amaraj@bhootmail.com
मिनु
उल्लुको छोएला: रु. ५० प्रतिप्लेट
भेज पकौडः रु. ७५ प्रतिप्लेट
(गोरुको तेलमा फ्राई गरिएको)
स्यालको फोक्सो: रु. ९० प्रतिप्लेट
चिराइतोको सुपः रु. ७० प्रतिडबका
गड्यौलाको अचारः रु. २० प्रतिचम्चा
भ्यागुता भुटेकोः रु. २५ प्रतिगाँस
गधाको पुच्छरसाँधेको: रु. १५ प्रतिपुच्छर
झिँगाको भुटन: रु. ४५ प्रतिप्लेट
बिशेष
अफर
बाख्राका बड्क्यौलाद्धारा निर्मित स्पेशल वाइनः रु. ८० प्रतिघ्याम्पा !!
दुई प्लेट गिद्धको रोष्टको साथमा एक बोतल यमरस सित्थैमा !!
आफु खानोस् र अरुलाई पनि खुवाउनोस्, परेको हामी ब्यहोर्छौ, पैसा तपाइ तिर्नोस् !!
एक पटक हाम्रो यमराज रेष्टुरेन्टको मिनु हेर्नोस्: कहिल्लै फर्किएर आउनु हुन्न !!
- प्रो.चित्रगुप्त यमकर्मी
हसिँयाभन्दा सिधा
पुर्ने (लठेब्रो) छोरो पाएको १५ दिनमा बिदेश गयो ।
पाँच बर्षपछि घर फर्किएर घरभित्र पस्नासाथ श्रीमती अर्धनग्न
अवस्थामा रोइरहेकी थिइन् ।
पुर्नेः के भो कोपिला ?
कोपिलाः मलाई हार्ट एट्याक भयो, ऐया......।
पुर्ने हत्तपत्त घरको तल्लो कोठामा झरेर एम्बुलेन्समा फोन गर्नमात्र के लागेको हुन्छ,
५ बर्षको उनको छोरो मन्जिल आएर भन्योः
मञ्जिलः बाबा बाबा, सपन अंकल पल्लो कोठमा लुकेर कपडा लगाउँदै हुनुहुन्छ ।
उ फोन भुइँमा राखेर दौडदै श्रीमती भए ठाउँपुग्यो, हेर्यो र अर्को कोठामा पुग्यो,
नभन्दै त्यहाँ उसैको मित्र सपनपनि अर्धनग्न अवस्थामा कोठामा यताउता घुम्दै थियो ।
पुर्नेः (राता राता आँखा पार्दै) साले, तँ कस्तो साथी होस् यार ! उता मेरो श्रीमतीलाई
हर्ट एट्याक भइरहेको छ । तँ भने, केटाकेटी जस्तो कोठामा नांगै खेलेर बसेको
छस्....... जा............एम्बुलेन्स बोलाएर लिएर आइज !
नर्कमा टेलिफोन सेवा !!
हालै विश्वका धेरै देशका राष्ट्रप्रमुखहरु नर्कमा भेट भएछन् । धेरैबेर पछिको छलफल पछि सबैले आ-आफ्नो देशमा फोन सम्पर्क गर्ने निधो गरेर सबै टेलिफोन बुथतिर गएछन् ।
अमेरिकाको राष्ट्रप्रमुखले आफ्नो देशमा फोन लगाएछन्, दुइ मिनेट फोन गरेपछि २००० डलर बिल तिरे त्यसपछि चिनका राष्ट्रपतिको पालो आयो । उनले पनि दुइमिनेटको २०० डलर बिलतिरेछन् । अन्त्यमा नेपालका लाष्टपतीको पालो आयो । उनले पनि दुई मिनेट फोन गरेर बिल मागे ।
नर्कको अपरेटरले: ५ रुपिया दिनोस् ।
नेपाली लाष्टपती: यो त अचम्म भो ! नेपालीचाहीँ कसरी त्यति सस्तो ?
नर्कको अपरेटर: लोकल कल भएर !
तिरिमिरी झ्याँई
प्रश्नः
: प्रकृतिले दिनका साथै रात किन बनाएको होला ?
उत्तरः: चोर डाकाहरुको पनि जिबिका चलोस् भनेर !
प्रश्नः
: हाम्रो देशमा किन एउटा पनि ठूलो मान्छे जन्मिन सकेन ?
उत्तरः: संसारमै यस्तो हो, जन्मिँदा सबै बच्चा नै जन्मिन्छन् !
प्रश्नः
: मिरोजजी, तपाईँको खास नाम चाहीँ के हो ?
उत्तर : मेरो खास नाम 'के हैन, मनोज हो !
प्रश्नः
: मैले तपाइँलाई चिनिहालेँ नि !
उत्तर : चिनि नहाल्नोस्, मलाई सुगरको समस्या छ, बरु नुन हालिदिनुस् !!
ल, उल्टो पर्यो नि
पहिलो पटक खप्परध्वज शहरको एउटा भब्य पार्टीमा पुग्यो । डिनर लिइरहेको बेला आफ्नो छेउमा उभिएर बियर तानिरहेको एक ब्यक्तिलाई उसले भन्योः
खप्परध्व्जः कस्तो जमाना आयो । उ त्यो केटोलाई हेर्नोस् न, कस्तो पोशाक लगाएको होला, ठ्याक्कै
केटीजस्तो देखिन्छ !
ब्यक्तिः (उक्त ब्यक्तिले अलि रिसाएजस्तो गरी जवाफ दियो) माफ गर्नोस् महासय, त्यो केटी नै हो,
र उ मेरी छोरी हो ।
(खप्पर अलि अलि डरायो र भन्यो)
खप्परध्व्जः (खप्पर अलि अलि डरायो र भन्यो) सरी है हजुर, । तपाईँ उसको बुवा हो भन्ने कुरा
मलाई थाहा थिएन ।
ब्यक्तिः (ब्यक्तिले जंगिदै भन्यो) तपाईँ मसँग जिस्किदै हुनुहुन्छ कि क्या हो ? म उसको बाबु हैन,
आमा हुँ !
लवलेटर हरु
प्रहरीको लवलेटर
मेरो हृदयकी नाइटभिजन, लङ्गरेन्जको भन्दा लामो तथा बंकरभन्दा गहिरो माया !
आत्माकी सेन्ट्री, सेक्यरिटीवाल भन्दा मजबुत प्यार । मेरो दिमागकी एम्बुस, ब्ल्यांकफायर
भन्दा धेरै क्लियर संझना । प्यारी, मेरो सानो मिसफायरमा तिमी मेरो घेरा तोडेर माइत गयौं,
मेरो मनमा र्कफ्यु लागेको छ । तुरुन्त आत्मसर्मपण गरिदेउ, हैन भने, हातहतियार सहित माइतमा आक्रमण हुनेछ !!
उहि तिमीलाई सधैँ सुरक्षा दिने
हवल्दार 'काले'
कम्प्युटर अपरेटरको प्रेमपत्र
जिन्दगीकी कन्ट्रोल प्यानल, हन्ड्रेड जिबीको माया ! मैले १एमबी मायााको लागी कतिपटक एप्लाई गरेँ, तर कहिल्यै पनि ओ.के. गरिनौ । तिम्रो पिक्चर मेरो हार्डडिस्कमा सेभ गरिसकेको छु । कृपया मेरो मायालाई रिसाइकलबीनमा सेन्ड नगरिदेउ । मेरो रिकोएस्ट मानिनौं भने, म आफैंलाई अटो डिलिट गर्नेछु , अगाडी तिम्रो इच्छा !!
तिम्रो जिन्दगीको पासवर्ड ' गोपाल'
ड्राइभरकोलवलेटर
मेरो मुटुकी स्टेयरिङ् , चौथो गियर भन्दा धेरै माया ! अहिले सम्म म कण्डिसनमा नै छु , आषा छ, तिमी पनि पञ्चर भएकी छैनौ होला । म घरबाट हिँड्दा तिम्रो चक्का मेरो मतलब खुट्टा ठिक थिएन, राम्रो वर्कसपमा गएर डाक्टरलाई देखाउनु । केटाकेटीलाई गाली गर्दा हर्न सानो पार्नु , छिमेकीले ओभरटेक गर्छन्, आउँदो नपालबन्दमा घर आउँदैछु ,त्यसैबेला बेट्रीचार्ज गरौंला !!
उहि तिमीलाई हर्न बजाउने ड्राइभर माइला,
बि.च.रा.४३२३
Friday, November 26, 2010
Easy Ways To Know If Your Boyfriend Is Cheating you
Easy Ways To Know If Your Boyfriend Is Cheating you
The following list of behaviors and changes in your boyfriend's daily routine can identify patterns of cheating within your relationship. Being with another girl is difficult for some guys to hide, especially if he's falling for this other woman. The closer he gets to her, the easier it will be to know that he's messing around with someone else.
Any time your boyfriend or spouse walks into another room to take a phone call:
Iit has to be for a reason. If the room you´re in isn´t noisy, there´s a good chance he´s in there having a conversation he doesn´t want you to hear. And if it´s a quick conversation, where he claps his cell phone shut quickly and then walks back into the room pretending like nothing happened? It could be a sign that your man is cheating
He Starts Working Extra Hours, below are the analysis result:
Everyone has jobs that sometimes require overtime, and this alone isn´t a sign that your boyfriend is cheating on you. However, if his job suddenly requires him to spend lots of extra hours and at different times during the week? It could be a sign that something´s amiss. Look for consistency. If there isn´t any, your man could be seeing someone else.
Everyone´s schedule is different, and you may have a boyfriend who goes out a lot.
This is normal, but what´s not normal is a sudden change to the days and times that he´s running out the door. If he´s going out much later than he used to, or waking up earlier than he ever did before, there´s a chance he might be unfaithful to you. Again, consistency is key.
He Starts Wearing Cologne, below is the analysis result:
If your boyfriend starts spraying cologne on himself when he leaves (and even worse, when he returns), you´ll need to take note. If this is something he always did, fine. But if it´s something he rarely or never did before, odds are good he´s covering something up. It could be the perfume of the girl he´s seeing on the side.
One of the strongest signs that he´s hiding something might be the way your boyfriend uses the computer.
During a relationship in which he´s got nothing to hide, you might know everything from his online passwords to his ATM pin codes. But once he changes these things? There´s something he doesn´t want you to see. If he´s deleting his browsing history, it might mean he´s just watching porn... or it might mean he doesn´t want you to see that he´s accessing a new email address he just set up.
When a guy needs to see his secret lover, he needs an excuse to leave the house.
If your boyfriend is picking fights or starting arguments over insignificant little things and then storming out of your home or apartment? There might be a more dishonest reason behind it. Keep an eye out for such behavior.
He Begins Hiding His Cell phone, below are the analysis result:
When you´re in an honest relationship, your boyfriend´s cell phone should be a carefree accessory he leaves lying all over the house. But once his phone starts disappearing from view? Something´s up. If your man is suddenly hiding his cell phone, you can bet it´s for a reason. He has calls or text-messages from numbers he doesn´t want you to see
The following list of behaviors and changes in your boyfriend's daily routine can identify patterns of cheating within your relationship. Being with another girl is difficult for some guys to hide, especially if he's falling for this other woman. The closer he gets to her, the easier it will be to know that he's messing around with someone else.
Any time your boyfriend or spouse walks into another room to take a phone call:
Iit has to be for a reason. If the room you´re in isn´t noisy, there´s a good chance he´s in there having a conversation he doesn´t want you to hear. And if it´s a quick conversation, where he claps his cell phone shut quickly and then walks back into the room pretending like nothing happened? It could be a sign that your man is cheating
He Starts Working Extra Hours, below are the analysis result:
Everyone has jobs that sometimes require overtime, and this alone isn´t a sign that your boyfriend is cheating on you. However, if his job suddenly requires him to spend lots of extra hours and at different times during the week? It could be a sign that something´s amiss. Look for consistency. If there isn´t any, your man could be seeing someone else.
Everyone´s schedule is different, and you may have a boyfriend who goes out a lot.
This is normal, but what´s not normal is a sudden change to the days and times that he´s running out the door. If he´s going out much later than he used to, or waking up earlier than he ever did before, there´s a chance he might be unfaithful to you. Again, consistency is key.
He Starts Wearing Cologne, below is the analysis result:
If your boyfriend starts spraying cologne on himself when he leaves (and even worse, when he returns), you´ll need to take note. If this is something he always did, fine. But if it´s something he rarely or never did before, odds are good he´s covering something up. It could be the perfume of the girl he´s seeing on the side.
One of the strongest signs that he´s hiding something might be the way your boyfriend uses the computer.
During a relationship in which he´s got nothing to hide, you might know everything from his online passwords to his ATM pin codes. But once he changes these things? There´s something he doesn´t want you to see. If he´s deleting his browsing history, it might mean he´s just watching porn... or it might mean he doesn´t want you to see that he´s accessing a new email address he just set up.
When a guy needs to see his secret lover, he needs an excuse to leave the house.
If your boyfriend is picking fights or starting arguments over insignificant little things and then storming out of your home or apartment? There might be a more dishonest reason behind it. Keep an eye out for such behavior.
He Begins Hiding His Cell phone, below are the analysis result:
When you´re in an honest relationship, your boyfriend´s cell phone should be a carefree accessory he leaves lying all over the house. But once his phone starts disappearing from view? Something´s up. If your man is suddenly hiding his cell phone, you can bet it´s for a reason. He has calls or text-messages from numbers he doesn´t want you to see
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Charlee Doing Marspass in Militiary
scene from the movie Shoulders Arms, when incredibly agile people make it look very honestly difficult to do something simple. reminds me of donald o connor in "make 'em laugh, Tory from Austin Texas. Singer songwriter musician. Check out my originals and subscribe if you like. Please listen to my own original of The Little Tramp..a tribute to Charlie Chaplin, a maximum height of 5' 9", and I've known of soldiers in them times being 4' 11" in the army! Hell my great great grandad was 5' 3" when he joined the army and about 5' 5" when he left! There's lots of short people in the army, Moon walk vs Charlie chaplin - Moon Duck ^^. I think that Mychael jackson's moon walk created from moon duck
charlie is sooo funny his actions are hilarious
Charleee in the circus with tiger and dog
my favorite scenes from The Circus, my favorite scenes from The Circus, lion's cage and the other side with a tiger. Takes a lot of courage! respect!, best shows with silent acting..,that's a furry situation, simply the best..,Un genio sin dudas, tercera ves que lo escribo..,deserves the title The King of Silent Comedy, absolutely fantastic!,i'm so moved by Charlie Chaplin and i can't believe that he had such guts.Amazing..i don't udnerstand how something this old can make me laugh or smile,he dances at the top of the pole and then descends, charlie is sooo funny his actions are hilarious
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Friday, November 12, 2010
Collection of funny images
tags: collection of gif images, filetype:gif, funny gif images, funny picutres, moving images, funny moving images, funny and comedy images collection
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
Copyright patent trademark सबै रुपकको है Happy tihar
ए है भन मेरा साथी हो।।।।
देऊ छोरी....
ए राम्ररी भन।।।।
देऊ छोरी....
ए कनी कनी भन।।।।
देऊ छोरी....
ए स्वर मीलाई कन।।।
देऊ छोरी....
ए लामो बाटो।।
देऊ छोरी....
ए चिपलो बाटो।।
देऊ छोरी....
ए लड्दै पट्दै।।।।
देऊ छोरी....
ए आएको हामी।।।
देऊ छोरी....
ए दिने भए सिधा देउ नदिने भए बिदा देउ
(घरबेटि बा): मेरो त छोरी नै छैन्।।।।।
केटाहरु: देऊ छोरी....
Copyright patent trademark सबै रुपकको है
------------------------------------------------श्रीकृष्ण र दिलिप यती एयरको जहाजबाट पोखरा जाँदै थिए । गोरखाको डाडाँमाथी पुगेपछि जहाज जोड जोडले हल्लिन थाल्यो ।
दिलिपः के हो यार , जहाज त नराम्रोसँग हल्लिन थाल्यो नि त, खस्छ कि
क्या हो ?
श्रीकृष्णः आ….खसे पनि खसोस् है, हामीलाई ठगेर कमाएको पैसा छँदैछ,
अर्को किन्छ नि ।
……………………………………………………………………………………,काली मिस कक्षामा नेपाली बिषय अन्र्तगत ब्याकरण पढाइरहेकी थिइन् ।
कालीमिस: म राम्री छु, यो कुन काल हो ?
दिपकः यो भुतकाल हो मिस ।
कालीमिस: के रे ? भुतकाल हैन, यो बर्तमानकाल हो ।
दिपकः नीताले भनेको भए वर्तमानकाल हुन्थ्यो, मिसले म राम्री छु
भन्दा त भुतकाल नै भयो नि मिस ।
………………………………………………………………………………………,पिंकीः ए रिंकी, अनि तेरो एस एल सि परिक्षा कस्तो
भयो त ?
रिंकीः ओ हो पिंकी, हेर न, मेरो त रिजल्टमा एकबोरा
आलु आउला जस्तो छ ।
पिंकीः किन गोबरको थाप्रो जस्तो अनृहार लगाउँछेस् त,
एसएलसि पास नगरे पनि सिनेमा हिरोइन त
पक्का हुन्छेस ।
रिंकीः त्यसो भए म पनि आजैदेखी डाइरेक्टरहरुको फोन
नंबर खोज्नतिर लाग्छृ ।
एसएलसिमा गोलखाडी जानु भएको छ भने तपाईँ पनि हाम्रो कलिउड छाला प्रर्दशन केन्द्रमा आउनोस्,डाइरेक्टर साबलाई भेट्नोस् र भर्ना भइहाल्नोस् । स्किन टेष्टमा पास हृनेहरुलाई एकैरातमा हिरोइन बनाइदिन्छौँ ।
………………………………………………………………………………………….
सपन डाक्टरकोमा पुग्छ ।
डाक्टरः अँ, के भएको रे तपाइँको श्रीमतीलाई ?
सपनः मेरी श्रीमतीको स्मरण शक्तिको कारणले मलाई एकदमै टेन्सन
भयो, डाक्टर ।
डाक्टरः के उहाँको बिर्सने बानी छ ?
सपनः हैन डाक्टर सा�ब । सबैथोक सम्झने बानी छ ।, , ,
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http://rupaknpl.blogspot.com/2010/11/happy-tihar.html
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Something About Love
I have found girl who didn't know how to kiss. I've always found time to teach them.
What was the point of having unending life if that life was without love?
I love someone and that’s the beginning of everything.so lets wait nd watchhhhh
Some one says "Soul meets soul on lover's lips".
love is life and if you missed love you miss life so don't miss loveee....
Love is like a treatment who is looking for it but its hard to find the true one
treatment so be careful otherwise anything can happen with u and also have many sideffect of this treatment and sometime it can be very dangerous.
In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love you want the other person
Love does not alter the beloved, it alters itself.so be careful i hope everyone loved someone.
Love is my religion - I could die for it.but not alone, i want company of anyone.so anyone is coming......????
We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human love
Love her all the time, she's the one who keeps you strong, even when she's not so strong herself.
We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.
There is no good love story without any romance
Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.
First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity.
Love is like dew that falls on both nettles and lilies.
Love's greatest gift is its ability to make everything it touches sacred
What was the point of having unending life if that life was without love?
I love someone and that’s the beginning of everything.so lets wait nd watchhhhh
Some one says "Soul meets soul on lover's lips".
love is life and if you missed love you miss life so don't miss loveee....
Love is like a treatment who is looking for it but its hard to find the true one
treatment so be careful otherwise anything can happen with u and also have many sideffect of this treatment and sometime it can be very dangerous.
In real love you want the other person's good. In romantic love you want the other person
Love does not alter the beloved, it alters itself.so be careful i hope everyone loved someone.
Love is my religion - I could die for it.but not alone, i want company of anyone.so anyone is coming......????
We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human love
Love her all the time, she's the one who keeps you strong, even when she's not so strong herself.
We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.
There is no good love story without any romance
Love makes your soul crawl out from its hiding place.
First love is only a little foolishness and a lot of curiosity.
Love is like dew that falls on both nettles and lilies.
Love's greatest gift is its ability to make everything it touches sacred
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Sometalking about boys and girls
Girl sends a text to 4 guys from school that she likes. The text said, "What would we be doing if I were with you right now?" Guy #1 says...
Age 3 -- Boy kisses girl. Parents: "Awwww. That's so cute" *Takes picture*
Age 16 -- Boy kisses girl. Dad: "Get the hell away from my daughter!!!!!" *Loads shotgun*
One spelling mistake can destroy your life.
A Husband sent this to his wife:I'm having a wonderful time wish you were her."
Wife: If i become fat and ugly will you leave me?
Husband starts laughing.
Wife: WHAT?!
Husband: Im still here arent i?
Age 6:
lil sis: *crying
big bro: " aww whats wrong?"
little sister: " I got a owwy"
Age: 15
lilsis: *crying
big bro:alright who was it?!
lil sis: cries. (name)
big bro* loads shotgun " Be right back.."
Girl, Age 6: "Mom, you look pretty today. :)"
Mom: "Thank You! :)"
Girl, Age 16: "Mom, you look pretty today. :)"
Mom: "What do you want?"
Every girl has three guys in her life.
The one she loves.
The one she hates.
and the one she can't live without.
And in the end,
They're all the same guy.
SixFacts
1.You cannt stick your tounge out and look up at the ceiling at the same time a physical impossibility.
2.All idiots after reading #1 will try it.
3.And discover #1 is a lie.
4.You are smiling now because are an idiot.
*BOY LOGS ON*
~girl thinks~ YAY HE'S ONNNNNNNN
Girl:HEYYYYYYY
Boy:Hi
~quietness~
Boy:Do you like me?
Girl:Maybe..
Boy:TELL ME
Girl:ITS NOT IMPORTANT!
Boy:IT IS
Girl:WHY?!?!?!
Boy:CAUSE I LIKE YOU
BOYFRIEND GUIDE(:
1.When she walks away from yu mad[Follow her]
2.When she stare's at yur lips[Kiss her ]
3.When she pushes yu or hits yu[Grab her & dnt let go]
[There is more]
Boy:Why havent you had a boyfriend yet?
Girl:Im not allowed, why dont you have a girlfriend?
Boy:Cos your not allowed to have a boyfriend yet :)
age 4-9 "yay trick or treating! :D" age 10-12, "im to old an cool for trick or treating, its for kids ^_^' Age 13+ "HELL YEA FREE CANDY"
Elementary School; ew you kissed him! cooties!
Middle School; c'mon, kiss! kiss! kiss!
High School; seriously guys stop making out and get a room!
1st-5th grade- I can't wait until we get older!
6th-7th- We're so cool!
8th- GET ME OUT OF THIS SCHOOL.
9th-10th: I hate my life...
11th- Am I a senior yet...?
12th: Can I go back to Kindergarden?
For girls:
Mom can I.... NO.... Dad can I.... Sure anything for my little princess.
For boys:
Mom can I.... Sure sweety just be careful.... Dad can I.... NO NO NO NO NO....
1970: what's a computer?
1990: computer's in school!!??
2000: guess what? i have a computer!!!!
2010: MOM MY LAP TOP IS TOO SLOW!!!!!
Dear Tummy, sorry for all the butterflies. Dear Pillow, sorry for all the tears. Dear Heart, sorry for all the damage. Dear Brain, you were right
Girl: what would you do if i broke up with you?
boy: then i'd go back to my ex.
(girl cried and broke up with him)
--next day--
girl: what are you doing here??
boy: like what i said, i'd go back to my ex. so, will you take me back ?
I might hug other guys, i might laugh with other guys, i might even hang out with other guys.. but none of them will ever mean to me as much as you do.
A boy walks into kitchen to find parents having sex, the dad looks at the boy and winks. that night the father finds the boy in his bedroom having sex with his nana, the boy rolls over, winks and says "not so funny when it's your mum is it"
elementry school: mommy i have a new friend. middle school: hey mom can ____ come over? mom: yeah whos that? you: my new friend. high school: *you and your friend walk in* mom: whos that? my friend...
*bf and gf texting*
boy:are you okay?
girl:yeah..why?
boy:because you seem sad..are you lieing to me?
girl:no im fine i pinky promise.
boy:ok good
*girl thinking to herself*
i loved how you could tell i wasnt okay..i hate how you believed my lie.
when we were 8 we said "I'm rubber u are glue whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you!" Now we say "Well your a ...."
fake friends:never ask for food
real friends:are the reason you have no food.
fake friends:would knock on your front door.
real friends:would knock after they let themselves in.
fake friends:last a couple years.
real friends:last forever.
Okay, so there are 10 fish. 2 die, 5 drown, 1 gets trapped in the filter, how many left? stop counting you idiot. fish cant drown.
Age,4: *little girl starts crying*
brother: Awww, wats wrong?
Sister: i got an owwy.
Age 16: *girl starts crying*
Brother: WHO THE FUCK WAS IT THIS TIME!!
Sister: *cries some more* ... (name)
Brother: IMMA FUCKING KILL THAT S.O.B
As soon as you get online, whose name do you look for first? When a slow song comes on, whose face pops up in your head? When you get a text, who do you hope it's from? Whose name makes your stomache drop when you hear it?
Age 3 -- Boy kisses girl. Parents: "Awwww. That's so cute" *Takes picture*
Age 16 -- Boy kisses girl. Dad: "Get the hell away from my daughter!!!!!" *Loads shotgun*
One spelling mistake can destroy your life.
A Husband sent this to his wife:I'm having a wonderful time wish you were her."
Wife: If i become fat and ugly will you leave me?
Husband starts laughing.
Wife: WHAT?!
Husband: Im still here arent i?
Age 6:
lil sis: *crying
big bro: " aww whats wrong?"
little sister: " I got a owwy"
Age: 15
lilsis: *crying
big bro:alright who was it?!
lil sis: cries. (name)
big bro* loads shotgun " Be right back.."
Girl, Age 6: "Mom, you look pretty today. :)"
Mom: "Thank You! :)"
Girl, Age 16: "Mom, you look pretty today. :)"
Mom: "What do you want?"
Every girl has three guys in her life.
The one she loves.
The one she hates.
and the one she can't live without.
And in the end,
They're all the same guy.
SixFacts
1.You cannt stick your tounge out and look up at the ceiling at the same time a physical impossibility.
2.All idiots after reading #1 will try it.
3.And discover #1 is a lie.
4.You are smiling now because are an idiot.
*BOY LOGS ON*
~girl thinks~ YAY HE'S ONNNNNNNN
Girl:HEYYYYYYY
Boy:Hi
~quietness~
Boy:Do you like me?
Girl:Maybe..
Boy:TELL ME
Girl:ITS NOT IMPORTANT!
Boy:IT IS
Girl:WHY?!?!?!
Boy:CAUSE I LIKE YOU
BOYFRIEND GUIDE(:
1.When she walks away from yu mad[Follow her]
2.When she stare's at yur lips[Kiss her ]
3.When she pushes yu or hits yu[Grab her & dnt let go]
[There is more]
Boy:Why havent you had a boyfriend yet?
Girl:Im not allowed, why dont you have a girlfriend?
Boy:Cos your not allowed to have a boyfriend yet :)
age 4-9 "yay trick or treating! :D" age 10-12, "im to old an cool for trick or treating, its for kids ^_^' Age 13+ "HELL YEA FREE CANDY"
Elementary School; ew you kissed him! cooties!
Middle School; c'mon, kiss! kiss! kiss!
High School; seriously guys stop making out and get a room!
1st-5th grade- I can't wait until we get older!
6th-7th- We're so cool!
8th- GET ME OUT OF THIS SCHOOL.
9th-10th: I hate my life...
11th- Am I a senior yet...?
12th: Can I go back to Kindergarden?
For girls:
Mom can I.... NO.... Dad can I.... Sure anything for my little princess.
For boys:
Mom can I.... Sure sweety just be careful.... Dad can I.... NO NO NO NO NO....
1970: what's a computer?
1990: computer's in school!!??
2000: guess what? i have a computer!!!!
2010: MOM MY LAP TOP IS TOO SLOW!!!!!
Dear Tummy, sorry for all the butterflies. Dear Pillow, sorry for all the tears. Dear Heart, sorry for all the damage. Dear Brain, you were right
Girl: what would you do if i broke up with you?
boy: then i'd go back to my ex.
(girl cried and broke up with him)
--next day--
girl: what are you doing here??
boy: like what i said, i'd go back to my ex. so, will you take me back ?
I might hug other guys, i might laugh with other guys, i might even hang out with other guys.. but none of them will ever mean to me as much as you do.
A boy walks into kitchen to find parents having sex, the dad looks at the boy and winks. that night the father finds the boy in his bedroom having sex with his nana, the boy rolls over, winks and says "not so funny when it's your mum is it"
elementry school: mommy i have a new friend. middle school: hey mom can ____ come over? mom: yeah whos that? you: my new friend. high school: *you and your friend walk in* mom: whos that? my friend...
*bf and gf texting*
boy:are you okay?
girl:yeah..why?
boy:because you seem sad..are you lieing to me?
girl:no im fine i pinky promise.
boy:ok good
*girl thinking to herself*
i loved how you could tell i wasnt okay..i hate how you believed my lie.
when we were 8 we said "I'm rubber u are glue whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you!" Now we say "Well your a ...."
fake friends:never ask for food
real friends:are the reason you have no food.
fake friends:would knock on your front door.
real friends:would knock after they let themselves in.
fake friends:last a couple years.
real friends:last forever.
Okay, so there are 10 fish. 2 die, 5 drown, 1 gets trapped in the filter, how many left? stop counting you idiot. fish cant drown.
Age,4: *little girl starts crying*
brother: Awww, wats wrong?
Sister: i got an owwy.
Age 16: *girl starts crying*
Brother: WHO THE FUCK WAS IT THIS TIME!!
Sister: *cries some more* ... (name)
Brother: IMMA FUCKING KILL THAT S.O.B
As soon as you get online, whose name do you look for first? When a slow song comes on, whose face pops up in your head? When you get a text, who do you hope it's from? Whose name makes your stomache drop when you hear it?
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
FUNNY QUESTION AND ANSWER
What does it mean when the Easter Bunny arrives one day late with melted candy?
He probably had a bad hare day.
--------------------------------------------------------
How does a rabbit make gold soup?
He begins with 24 carrots.
--------------------------------------------------------
What do you get when you pour boiling hot water down a rabbit hole?
Hot cross bunnies.
--------------------------------------------------------
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear?
Because when he tried to make a second one he made a boo-boo.
--------------------------------------------------------
What's the best way to make a bull sweat?
Give him a tight jersey.
--------------------------------------------------------
Laughing stock -- cattle with a sense of humor
--------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
HAPPY VALENTINE -2009
Dear sweetheart
I will luv u like this forever. Hope you do the same. Lets believe in
god and wait for the right time to come.
You don't know how you make me feel each time I see you online or
offline. I wait for only you all day. You are always in my mind and
heart. I feel your presence with me though we are too far away from
each other. We came so close to each other in such a short time, I
truly think we must have known each other in another lifetime. You have
shared your soul to me & I have shared mine with you. While writing
this I have so much emotions inside me that I feel like crying because
I miss you so much. I feel so happy and complete even in our silences.
I feel I am connected to you through my soul. Your caring attitude,
thoughtfulness & sweet personality has captured my heart and for that I
am so grateful to you. All I know is wherever life takes us I hope
you'll always know how much I thank Babaji for bringing you into my
life:)
Hugz forever
To the one that got away
Happy valentines day! I wish things had turned out different and you
had realized giving me a second chance. I can't just turn my feelings
off. I will always remember the good times we had over the year,
especially the trip to Florida. I'm sorry I had issues, and didn't
handle my surgery and rehab well. I realized now that you were trying
to be there for me.
To my sweetest darling
Thanks for making my life so beautiful and colorful!!
Always remember I Love U the Most!
Only your's I've realized I need to become more like I was 5-10 years ago. When you
left I remember thinking "Why didn't she say she wants to get back with
me?" realizing that now, I flip it over and think, "Why didn't I say I
want to get back with Corinne". That is why I say I'm sorry. I've
realized I can love, and be loved.
I'll remember you forever.
May all the lovers across the world get the love of their life. Happy
Valentine's Day to all!! Cheers
I will luv u like this forever. Hope you do the same. Lets believe in
god and wait for the right time to come.
You don't know how you make me feel each time I see you online or
offline. I wait for only you all day. You are always in my mind and
heart. I feel your presence with me though we are too far away from
each other. We came so close to each other in such a short time, I
truly think we must have known each other in another lifetime. You have
shared your soul to me & I have shared mine with you. While writing
this I have so much emotions inside me that I feel like crying because
I miss you so much. I feel so happy and complete even in our silences.
I feel I am connected to you through my soul. Your caring attitude,
thoughtfulness & sweet personality has captured my heart and for that I
am so grateful to you. All I know is wherever life takes us I hope
you'll always know how much I thank Babaji for bringing you into my
life:)
Hugz forever
To the one that got away
Happy valentines day! I wish things had turned out different and you
had realized giving me a second chance. I can't just turn my feelings
off. I will always remember the good times we had over the year,
especially the trip to Florida. I'm sorry I had issues, and didn't
handle my surgery and rehab well. I realized now that you were trying
to be there for me.
To my sweetest darling
Thanks for making my life so beautiful and colorful!!
Always remember I Love U the Most!
Only your's I've realized I need to become more like I was 5-10 years ago. When you
left I remember thinking "Why didn't she say she wants to get back with
me?" realizing that now, I flip it over and think, "Why didn't I say I
want to get back with Corinne". That is why I say I'm sorry. I've
realized I can love, and be loved.
I'll remember you forever.
May all the lovers across the world get the love of their life. Happy
Valentine's Day to all!! Cheers
Sunday, February 1, 2009
FUNNY MONKEY JOKES ( ANIMAL JOKES)
Funny Monkeys Joke #1:
A young pet monkey had an accident and needed a brain transplant. The veterinarian told the monkey's human family...
"Brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the cost yourselves."
"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the family.
"For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000," replied the vet.
All the men in the family nodded because they thought they understood. But the mother was unsatisfied and asked...
"Why the difference in price between male and female brains?"
"Standard pricing practice," said the vet.
"The female brains have to be marked down because they’ve actually been used!”
Funny Monkeys Joke #2:
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper...
"I'll have a C monkey please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fitted a collar and leash, handed to the customer, saying...
"That'll be $5,000."
The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said...
"That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred pounds. Why did it cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."
The tourist looked at a monkey in another cage. "Hey, that one's even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?"
"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read $50,000. The tourist gasped to the shopkeeper...
"That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"
The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but it says it's a project manager".
Funny Monkeys Joke #3:
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said...
"That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized with her and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
Funny Monkeys Joke #4:
A three-year-old boy fell eighteen feet into a zoo enclosure containing seven gorillas. He was immediately rescued, not by zookeepers, but by one of the animals.
The 150 lb. female gorilla picked up the unconscious form of the boy and laid it at a door to be easily retrieved to by zookeepers.
This cross-species rescue has resulted in thousands of dollars in donations to the zoo.
It is perhaps because of these donations that zookeepers have kept quiet about one vital detail, a hastily scrawled note tucked in the boy's collar...
"Thanks; but we prefer fruit."
Funny Monkeys Joke #5:
Your monkey plays chess?
He must be clever!
Not really, I usually beat him three times out of four!
......... ???!@#!$@#$!!!$%@!
Funny Monkeys Joke #6:
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.
The officer looked down at the monkey and said...
"I wish you could talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
"You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.
"Well, did you see this?"
"Yes," motioned the monkey.
"What happened?"
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
"Yes," nodded the Monkey.
"What else?" asked the officer.
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth, sucking inward quickly.
"They were smoking marijuana too?" said the officer.
"Yes," nodded the Monkey.
"What else?" queried the officer.
The monkey motioned with his fingers...
“Having sex! They were having sex, too!?" asked the astounded officer.
"Yes," nodded the monkey.
"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and having sex before they wrecked?"
"Yes," the Monkey nodded.
"What were you doing during all this?" asked the Officer.
"Driving," motioned the monkey.
Funny Monkeys Joke #7:
Once upon a time, there lived a poor hat seller in a small village in India. He earned his livelihood stitching hats and selling them in the neighboring villages. Once when going to another village through a forest, he fell asleep under a tree.
When he woke up, he was surprised to find his basket empty and all the hats missing. Then he noticed a troop of monkeys sitting in the tree wearing his hats. He came up with a brilliant idea to retrieve his hats. He lifted the hat on his head and threw it to the ground. Out of their aping habits the monkeys followed suit. The hat seller then collected all the hats and triumphantly proceeded to the market.
As the years pass by, the hat seller has a grandson who too ends up being a hat seller. One day he has to pass through the same forest to sell hats in the village on the other side. As he is leaving, his grandpa tells him of the monkeys and how he outsmarted them and warns the grandson to be careful in the forest and remember his grandpa's trick if the monkeys cause any trouble.
So the grandson sets forth on his journey. While passing through the forest, he gets tired and falls asleep to wake up and find the basket empty and all the hats gone. Then he notices the monkeys on the tree wearing the hats.
Smiling to himself he says, "Aha! I know how to deal with this. I'll use my grandpa's trick!”
So he hurls his hat to the ground expecting the monkeys to do the same. All this time, there is a young hatless monkey sitting in the tree.
This monkey jumps down from the tree, quickly picks up the grandson's hat and puts it on his head. Then as he is scampering away, he says to the grandson sarcastically:
"HA! HA! DID YOU THINK ONLY HUMANS HAVE A GRANDPA!?"
Funny Monkeys Joke #8:
A monkey walks into a drugstore and orders a fifty-cent sundae. He puts down a ten-dollar bill to pay for it.
The clerk thinks, "What can a monkey know about money?"
So he hands back a single dollar in change and says, "You know, we don't get many monkeys in here."
"No wonder," answers the monkey, "At these prices you won't get many more."
A young pet monkey had an accident and needed a brain transplant. The veterinarian told the monkey's human family...
"Brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the cost yourselves."
"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the family.
"For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000," replied the vet.
All the men in the family nodded because they thought they understood. But the mother was unsatisfied and asked...
"Why the difference in price between male and female brains?"
"Standard pricing practice," said the vet.
"The female brains have to be marked down because they’ve actually been used!”
Funny Monkeys Joke #2:
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper...
"I'll have a C monkey please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fitted a collar and leash, handed to the customer, saying...
"That'll be $5,000."
The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said...
"That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred pounds. Why did it cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."
The tourist looked at a monkey in another cage. "Hey, that one's even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?"
"Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read $50,000. The tourist gasped to the shopkeeper...
"That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?"
The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but it says it's a project manager".
Funny Monkeys Joke #3:
A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said...
"That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
"The bus driver insulted me," she fumed.
The man sympathized with her and said, "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers."
"You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind."
"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."
Funny Monkeys Joke #4:
A three-year-old boy fell eighteen feet into a zoo enclosure containing seven gorillas. He was immediately rescued, not by zookeepers, but by one of the animals.
The 150 lb. female gorilla picked up the unconscious form of the boy and laid it at a door to be easily retrieved to by zookeepers.
This cross-species rescue has resulted in thousands of dollars in donations to the zoo.
It is perhaps because of these donations that zookeepers have kept quiet about one vital detail, a hastily scrawled note tucked in the boy's collar...
"Thanks; but we prefer fruit."
Funny Monkeys Joke #5:
Your monkey plays chess?
He must be clever!
Not really, I usually beat him three times out of four!
......... ???!@#!$@#$!!!$%@!
Funny Monkeys Joke #6:
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.
The officer looked down at the monkey and said...
"I wish you could talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
"You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.
"Well, did you see this?"
"Yes," motioned the monkey.
"What happened?"
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
"Yes," nodded the Monkey.
"What else?" asked the officer.
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth, sucking inward quickly.
"They were smoking marijuana too?" said the officer.
"Yes," nodded the Monkey.
"What else?" queried the officer.
The monkey motioned with his fingers...
“Having sex! They were having sex, too!?" asked the astounded officer.
"Yes," nodded the monkey.
"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and having sex before they wrecked?"
"Yes," the Monkey nodded.
"What were you doing during all this?" asked the Officer.
"Driving," motioned the monkey.
Funny Monkeys Joke #7:
Once upon a time, there lived a poor hat seller in a small village in India. He earned his livelihood stitching hats and selling them in the neighboring villages. Once when going to another village through a forest, he fell asleep under a tree.
When he woke up, he was surprised to find his basket empty and all the hats missing. Then he noticed a troop of monkeys sitting in the tree wearing his hats. He came up with a brilliant idea to retrieve his hats. He lifted the hat on his head and threw it to the ground. Out of their aping habits the monkeys followed suit. The hat seller then collected all the hats and triumphantly proceeded to the market.
As the years pass by, the hat seller has a grandson who too ends up being a hat seller. One day he has to pass through the same forest to sell hats in the village on the other side. As he is leaving, his grandpa tells him of the monkeys and how he outsmarted them and warns the grandson to be careful in the forest and remember his grandpa's trick if the monkeys cause any trouble.
So the grandson sets forth on his journey. While passing through the forest, he gets tired and falls asleep to wake up and find the basket empty and all the hats gone. Then he notices the monkeys on the tree wearing the hats.
Smiling to himself he says, "Aha! I know how to deal with this. I'll use my grandpa's trick!”
So he hurls his hat to the ground expecting the monkeys to do the same. All this time, there is a young hatless monkey sitting in the tree.
This monkey jumps down from the tree, quickly picks up the grandson's hat and puts it on his head. Then as he is scampering away, he says to the grandson sarcastically:
"HA! HA! DID YOU THINK ONLY HUMANS HAVE A GRANDPA!?"
Funny Monkeys Joke #8:
A monkey walks into a drugstore and orders a fifty-cent sundae. He puts down a ten-dollar bill to pay for it.
The clerk thinks, "What can a monkey know about money?"
So he hands back a single dollar in change and says, "You know, we don't get many monkeys in here."
"No wonder," answers the monkey, "At these prices you won't get many more."
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