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What does it mean when the Easter Bunny arrives one day late with melted candy? He probably had a bad hare day. -------------------------------------------------------- How does a rabbit make gold soup? He begins with 24 carrots. -------------------------------------------------------- What do you get when you pour boiling hot water down a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies. -------------------------------------------------------- Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a boo-boo. -------------------------------------------------------- What's the best way to make a bull sweat? Give him a tight jersey. -------------------------------------------------------- Laughing stock -- cattle with a sense of humor --------------------------------------------------------

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Dear sweetheart I will luv u like this forever. Hope you do the same. Lets believe in god and wait for the right time to come. You don't know how you make me feel each time I see you online or offline. I wait for only you all day. You are always in my mind and heart. I feel your presence with me though we are too far away from each other. We came so close to each other in such a short time, I truly think we must have known each other in another lifetime. You have shared your soul to me & I have shared mine with you. While writing this I have so much emotions inside me that I feel like crying because I miss you so much. I feel so happy and complete even in our silences. I feel I am connected to you through my soul. Your caring attitude, thoughtfulness & sweet personality has captured my heart and for that I am so grateful to you. All I know is wherever life takes us I hope you'll always know how much I thank Babaji for bringing you into my life:) Hugz forever To the one ...

Funny Monkeys Joke #1: A young pet monkey had an accident and needed a brain transplant. The veterinarian told the monkey's human family... "Brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the cost yourselves." "Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the family. "For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000," replied the vet. All the men in the family nodded because they thought they understood. But the mother was unsatisfied and asked... "Why the difference in price between male and female brains?" "Standard pricing practice," said the vet. "The female brains have to be marked down because they’ve actually been used!” Funny Monkeys Joke #2: A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper... "I'll have a C monkey please." The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took...

Santa: Doctor, ye phulon ki mala kis ke liye? Doctor: Ye mera pehla operation hai, success hua to mere liye, nahi to tumhare liye. ********************************************* Santa: Doc saab, mein Chashma laga ke pad to sakoonga? Doc: Haan, bilkul. Santa: To phir theek hai doc saab varna Anpad aadmi ki zindagi bhi koi zindagi hai. ********************************************* Santa joined NASA. After one month the Americans had to change the name from NASA to SATYANASA ********************************************* Santa apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai. Gal: Yeh kya kar rahe ho? Santa: I'm falling in love. ********************************************* Banta: Yeh chaaku kyon ubaal rahe ho? Santa: Suicide karne ke liye Banta: To phir ubalne ki kya zaroorat hai? Santa: Kahin infection na ho jaaye ********************************************* Santa: Today is Sunday & I wanna njoy, so I bought 3 movie tickets Jeeto: Why 3? Santa: For you and your parents ****...

Friendship is a promise made in the heart. Silent. Unwritten. Unbreakable by distance. Unchangeable by time. Its lovely to have u as one ! No one will manufacture a lock without a key. Similarly, God wont give problems without solutions. So defeat your problems with great confidence. Never ask 4 a kiss, just take it. Never give a hug, ask 4 it. Never ask do u love me, first say I love u. Never say I cant live without u, say I live for u. If a drop of water falls in lake there is no identity. But if it falls on a leaf of lotus it shine like a pearl. so choose the best place where you would shine.. I have a pen which is blue, I have a friend which is you. Flowers will die, waters will dry, but our friendship will never say goodbye. X’cuse me, Agar ap abhi soye nahin ho aur sms parh rahe ho to “Good Night” Aur agar aap so gaye ho aur sms subah parho gay to phir “Good Morning Shakespear said don’t worry! because if u r worried u get a wrinkle, So why don’t u smile & get a dimple. Alway...

Happy Birthday A couple phoned a neighbour to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang "Happy Birthday" to him. But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number. "Don't let it bother you," said a strange but amused voice. "You folks need all the practice you can get." Mr.Mundre(as a teacher) had been giving his second-grade students a short lesson on science. He had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. And now it was question time... "Class," said he, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things... What am I?" A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother!" Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that . Sorry 4 disturb u. can u fax me ur ...

Being asked to be the Wedding MC can be a nerve-wracking experience for many men. Responsible for making sure the reception timetable is adhered to, the wedding MC is also expected to be funny, although he doesn't give a speech unless he is also best man - the role was traditionally performed by the best man, but these days is often a separate function. However, the wedding MC is required to speak in public when introducing the speakers and making other announcements. How to Prepare Your Wedding MC Jokes The good news about weddings is that people will tend to laugh at anything that is even remotely funny and so your wedding MC jokes don't need to be the best you've ever heard. However, delivery and timing certainly help, so you should prepare your jokes in advance and practice speaking them aloud. A warm, friendly manner will go down well and make people more predisposed to like what you say. Don't try and be the center of attention, and make sure the jokes you use are...

Funny Kids Joke #1: o A little girl goes to see the doctor. She's got a pea in one nostril, a grape in the other, and a string bean stuck in her ear. She says to the doctor... "I don't feel good." The doctor replies... "The problem is clear to me. You're not eating right!" o What did the chewing gum say to the shoe? I'm stuck on you o What did the silly comedian bake on his day off? Cornbread o What is black and white and pink all over? An embarrassess zebra! o What did one mountain say to the other mountain? Let's meet in the valley o What bird steals from the rich to give to the poor? Robin Hood o What did the toilet say to the other toilet? You look a little flushed o Why did the woman wear a helmet at the dinner table? She was on a crash diet. o Why didn't the hotdog star in the movies? The rolls weren't good enough. o Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, but no atmosphere. Funny Kids Joke #2: o What do you ca...

Funny Dogs Joke #1: A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer." A short time afterwards, a cute dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his long tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined. Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back o...

Funny Football Joke #1: o Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps? Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on. o What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison? They are both full of cockneys trying to get out. o How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway? Depends how thin you slice them. o What would you call a pregnant Man United fan? A dope carrier. o Sir Alex is queuing in his local building society, when a gunman bursts in through the door demanding money. Ferguson attempts to tackle the raider, but gets knocked over... As he falls, his head smashes the counter and Sir Alex is out cold. The robber escapes and the cashier try to revive Ferguson. After a few minutes he comes round and looks bewildered. His first words are... "Where the hell am I?” The Cashier replies... "Don’t worry, it’s ok, you're ...

Funny Cat Joke #1: A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he arrived home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further, and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered, "Put the little bastard on the phone, I'm lost and need directions." Funny Cat Joke #2: One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to Heaven. There...

Funny Girls Joke #1: "My husband claims to be a great sexual athlete, just because he always comes first." (Ellie Lane) "The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping of females begins when the doctor says: 'It's a girl.'" (Shirley Chisholm) "A liberated woman is one who has sex before marriage and a job after." (Gloria Steinem) "A woman's appetite is twice that of a man's; her sexual desire, four times; her intelligence, eight times." (Sanskrit proverb) Funny Girls Joke #2: A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her... "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog and the frog said... "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes that what ever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!" The...

Trip over love, you can get up. Fall in love and you fall forever. Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind The lover is a monotheist who knows that other people worship different gods but cannot himself imagine that there could be other Gods. We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. Love helps us to communicate with God Sometimes we make love with our eyes. Love is like a butterfly. It goes where it pleases and it pleases where it goes. Love is like a fire. Whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn your house down, you'll never know. Draw a circle, not a heart, around the one you love because a heart can break but a circle goes on forever. Valentine's Day is a day to express your feelings and renew the bond of love you share with your Valentine. To make this Valentine Day memorable for your beloved declare your lo...

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Wisdom Messages ?A smile is a curve that can.Straighten out a lot of things. ?life is short! if you dont look around once in a while you might miss it ?Those who are afraid to fall, will never fly ?Love ur enemys... It really ticks them off ?If you don't Stand for Something.You will Fall for Everything ?da poorest man on earth is not da 1 without money, but is da 1 without a dream ?To the world you may be one person but to one person you may be the world ?It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for what your not ?Be yourself, there are enough other people ?dont frown,you never know whos falling in love with ur smile ?if u can stay calm while every1 else is goin mad ... u probably havnt completely understood the situation! ?FRIENDS are like stars…you do not ALWAYS SEE them but you know they are always there!.. ?A Person Who Asks A Question Is A Fool For Five Minutes. A Person Who Doesn't Is A Fool Forever ?Dont b afraid 2 expose yourself.Reach out and tell sum1 wo...

Laws of sex 1. The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings. 2. Nothing improves with age. 3. No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again. 4. Sex has no calories. 5. Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble. 6. There is no remedy for sex but more sex. 7. Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got. 8. No sex with anyone in the same office. 9. Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last. 10. A man in the house is worth two in the street. 11. If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow. 12. Virginity can be cured. 13. When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him. 14. Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself. 15. The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usuall...

• U are a... B. I. T. C. H. Beautiful Intelligent Talented Cute Horny r u smiling now? *YOU BITCH* • You are a GHONCHU.. G-reat H-ot O-ne in million N-aughty C-ute H-umble U-nique Zyada khush mat ho, hai to tu ghonchu hi... • Hi, Doing nothing? Then Make a Place, 4 Me in ur Heart!! I May come there any time! Ur's Faithfully, "HeArT aTtAcK" • Aaj, kal, harpal, har samay, har vaqt, maheno, salo saal se ek DIL tumhare liye dhadakta tha aur dhadakta rahega aur wo DIL hai ur's own DEAR. • A study has proved that all fools use their THUMB while reading a SMS. Now its 2 late dont try 2 change ur finger! Catch another fool! • SomeOne.. MiSSES U.. NeeDS U.. Worries About U Lonely Without U Guess Who? THE MONKEY IN ... THE ZOO .. • Fact1: You can not touch your lower lip with your tounge... Fact2: After reading this, 99/100 idiots would try it.. • You are one of the most CUTE persons in the world!! Just a second, don't misunderstand. CUTE means: Creating Useless Troubles Ev...

o behind every SUCCESSFUL woman, there is a SATISFIED man,but behind a SATISFIED woman there is an EXHAUSTED man... o behind every SUCCESSFUL woman behind every SUCCESSFUL woman, there is a SATISFIED man,but behind a SATISFIED woman there is an EXHAUSTED man... o Acute Angina A man to cardiologist, How dare u tell my wife that she has a cute Vagina, Doctor, stupid, i told her that she has acute Angina. o A boy and gal of 5th class asked(In Urdu) A boy and gal of 5th class asked teacher "kya chote bachoon ke bhi bache hoote hain"? teacher nahin kabhi nahin " boy said to girl-dekha aur tu aise hi dar rahi thi". By Sumit Musharraf said to his mother.(In Urdu) Musharraf said to his mother. Ammi mari B.V , M.M.A walon sey meli hoi hai! Jab bhe kamray main jata hoon kehti hai wardi utaro. 75yrz old man got married with a girl o o 75yrz old man got married with a girl of 15 yrz old. At marriage nite they both r crying cuz Girl don't know anything and an old man h...

• Andheri Kabar Sunsan Kabristan Suni Haveli Kala Aasman Bijli Karki Aya Tofan Raat Ho Gae So Ja Shaitan Good Night • tiny stars shining bright its time for me too say good night soo close ur eyes and snuggle up m wishing u sweet dreams tongiht.... • Ending my day without saying goodnight is emptiness inside, so before i go to sleep im wishing u gudnyt w/ a blown kiss 2 keep u warm till the morning light. Ü • Lying on my bed, Lookin @ the clock, I know that its time 2 zzz, I wonder how have u been today… Hope that everything is fine.. Wish u sweet dreamz n sleep tight! • Hi Moon! Dim Ur light. Hello Wind! Breeze Soft. Hi Flower! Blossom Slowly. Hello Earth! Spin Gently. Coz my friend is going to sleep. Good Night • No matter the sky is black or blue, no matter there's stars or moon, as long as ur heart is true, sweet dreams will always be wif u. Gd Nite! • Whenever you have a DREAM inside your HEART, Never let it go coz DREAMS are the TINY SEEDS, From which BEAUTIFUL TOMORROW GROWS...

 A person who loves u make u realize how wonderful the world is, but its a frnd who makes u realize how wonderful U are 2 the world.gud mrng  Like the fresh dewdrops of a new day.. May GOD"s loving hands be upon u 2day to freshen ur soul as u start the day. GudMorning.  HÖt Teä! /// Cl"""'l Speciälly t__j 4 Ü i miXed with: 1 tsp. öf Love 2 tsp. öf SMilE 3 tsp. öf CÄRE HÖpe it Mäde YÖÜ Häppy & Reläx Ür MiNd GUD MRNG  If someone argues or makes fun of u dont mind it coz it is law of nature that the tree that bears the sweetest fruits gets the maximum no. Of stones...gud mrng.  What makes some Ppl dearer is not jst d happiness that u feel wen u meet them, but d emptiness u feel wen they ar not around..Gud morng  a day may start or end without a msg from me..but believe me it wouldn't start or end without from me thinking of u.... Gud morning!  Morning greetings doesn’t only mean saying Good Morning, it has a silent message saying: I remember you when...